Though she had spent the last six months living with multiple myeloma, Pamela Pinkowski was determined to attend her daughter Amelia’s May 11 wedding to Sharbel Maalouf.
“Amelia’s mom was a fighter,” Mr. Maalouf, a 38-year-old executive in the medical supply industry, said of his mother-in-law, who died just weeks after the couple wed.
It was important to the couple, who live in Northbrook, Ill., to honor Ms. Pinkowski’s presence at their wedding in a significant way. They chose to forgo party favors and make charitable donations in their guests’ names to the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation.
“It was kind of our chance to thank my mom for all she’s done in my life,” said Ms. Maalouf, 32, a human resources manager. “My mom was truly overwhelmed with emotion,” Ms. Maalouf said of the surprise.
Many couples integrate a charitable element into their nuptials, and some wedding planners encourage their clients to take a philanthropic approach to their celebrations.
“Because so much money goes into wedding planning, a lot of people want to also give back — not just spending money on throwing a great party, but also remembering people all around the world who are struggling,” said Noha Tarabain, the owner and lead designer of Roselite Events in Edmonton, Alberta.
Misse Daniel, the owner of Honey Bee Weddings in Chicago, estimates that 10 to 15 percent of the couples she works with opt to make charitable donations in lieu of handing out favors like gourmet treats or customized candles. Most, like the Maaloufs, whose wedding she planned, already have a nonprofit in mind before the planning starts.
Another way couples can give back is, of course, by soliciting donations in lieu of gifts, which websites like Blueprint Registry and the Good Beginning facilitate. In 2016, Beth Helmstetter, a wedding planner in Los Angeles, founded the Good Beginning, which helps couples identify up to three organizations to donate to and track gifts made to their charities.
Most couples using the Good Beginning platform support organizations addressing human rights, women’s health and global communities affected by crisis, Ms. Helmstetter said.
Matt Hagopian, 36, and Aneliese Castro, 33, used the Good Beginning to raise funds for Planned Parenthood and the United Farm Workers Foundation for their Oct. 5 wedding in Los Angeles.
“We’ve been together for 10 years, we’re in our 30s, we both have careers and we’re established,” said Mr. Hagopian, who is a managing consultant and was hesitant to make a traditional registry.
The couple added some traditional items to their website “mostly out of social pressure,” said Ms. Castro, an attorney. “I had family members who were really insistent that they wanted to get us tangible home goods.”
Which is not uncommon. “I understand for some people it’s a nonstarter; they want to give a physical item,” said Ms. Daniel of Honey Bee Weddings. “But for others, it’s just an obligation, and they would just rather donate to a good cause.”
For some, the desire to give back outweighs the need for an extravagant wedding celebration altogether.
Thouraya and Dr. Yazeed Kesbeh, who are both of Palestinian descent and live in Los Angeles, had been saving money to host a large wedding and planned to view possible venues in October 2023. Ms. Kesbeh, 30, an equal opportunity employment manager, said she lost many relatives on her father’s side as a result of the Israel-Hamas war. She and Dr. Kesbeh, 32, a physician, chose to allocate the funds they had saved for a large-scale gathering to instead support Ms. Kesbeh’s family members in Gaza.
“The survivor’s guilt was really just eating at the both of us,” Ms. Kesbeh said. “We just couldn’t in good faith justify the need for a large, traditional wedding anymore, knowing our people were just going through this unimaginable suffering.”
The couple married last February in Dr. Kesbeh’s parents’ backyard in Orange, Calif., before 30 family members. They worked with Events by Razan to restructure the celebration “as an ode to our heritage,” Ms. Kesbeh said, adding that downsizing their wedding to give back to Palestinians was “the best decision we ever made.”
